Before you judge me, please hear my story, I dated a young man many years ago. Men and brethren, He wooed me, sent emissaries, wrote letters, called many times, stalked, chased me until I decided to give love a chance. Trust me, the feeling was mutual but in those days, you had to play “hard to get” for any guy asking you out so that you are not considered cheap. I played it wello, you know I love to play na.

Obviously, I was naive, young and didn’t know the “things” of the world. I was a “good girl” that he wanted to marry, and he knew I wouldn’t answer him if e reach that level….(flesh and blood will not reveal this to you)…yinmu!! So he had to make up by looking outside, ‘that kind of looking that can blind you today’ and of all people, my close friend.(let me spare you details)…and more details with lies and cover-ups started coming to light. You know this kind of wash that your family members know about na!!

It broke my small heart. I travelled back to school without telling him, He came all the way to beg but I would not bulge. He bought a travelling box of gifts for me, and presents for all my roommates, I collected them and still said no. As young as I was, I was already hardened.

A bad relationship can do so many things to your mind and self esteem. I hated men as young as I was and it twisted my heart about relationships. I felt I wasn’t good enough, I went on to endure worse relationships….smh but I picked up the pieces and grew up. Walked with the right company and decided to take life one day at a time, welcomed any experience as a learning point, met good men, who taught me otherwise. Made great male friends who walked me through life, showing me it’s not always bad.

In reality…MEN ARE NOT SCUM!! We can be true to ourselves for once. One person hurting you doesn’t mean all of them are bad people. It was just a rough patch you passed through….that made you more experienced and wise….and determined that your daughters would never go through such pain… neither will your sons do that to someone else.

 If I was to judge relationships based on what I have been through, I would have missed out on the wonderful side of love.

Do you agree with me? Please use the comments box to share your opinion and experience.

Andikan Inyang
As a Chemical Engineering graduate, former Immigration Officer and present day banker.....and most importantly, a foodie, I hide behind my pen.......therein lies my strength. I hope to pursue a career in writing and explore the world of poetry. So help me God.