Whenever there’s a discussion about dog meat among my friends, you can actually see darts of fire flying from their eyes as they turn to look at me, and I’m like
what???? They start laughing at me.

What is it with Calabar and Akwa-Ibom folks??…why are we always the culprits?? I
never believed the whole dog-meat thing, always felt it was a myth until that
beautiful and sorrowful day.

I remember how and when we lost our first dog, mehn, it happened like Africa
Magic, you know how ghost disappears in Naija movies…ehen!! Her name was
Tempest. She was loveable!! A warrior princess. She eats anything you give her,
not the silly dog we later bought that would eye you up and down when you put

Nobody dared knock on our gate anyhow, even her bark was enough to make you forget your clothes at the gate as you ran away. She had the most beautiful puppies,
which we gave out, or were crushed (imagine an own goal scenario, don’t ask me,
it’s still painful). Rest in peace Tempest, you are dearly missed!! *wipes
eyes*. Those evil wicked, hateful, scumbags. Nincompoop..pheeew!! Let me
reserve my words for them and get back to how you, my dear tempest,

Tempest knew the better dogs to follow, not every dog could mount her. She looked for
her suitors, searched them out. Those handsome Alsatians would just be eyeing
my Tempest anyhow and she would lure them close to the house, she never went
far away. Then they would do what they know how to do well…..I am not
elaborating on that, swerve!!!

Tempest was coming home from one of her waka, she was about crossing from the other
side of the street when a motorcyclist from nowhere, carrying a male passenger
hit our beloved dog. To the ordinary eye, you would think it was a mere
accident, but the next thing that happened shocked me. The passenger jumped
down, dragged the dog into his sack, jumped on the motorcycle and they sped

Ghen Ghen!!! Did this just happen?? Nah!! I was daydreaming. I cleaned my eyes and
looked at the road, I could still see the patch of blood on the road. This
whole experience took less than 5minutes…wow!!! It just hit me that our dog
had been captured…to be killed and eaten!!

Since that day, I hated the thought of dog-meat
because it reminded me of our dog, I won’t even listen to any excuse you had for
eating dog-meat. It completely disgusted me. Sooooo!! Fast forward to almost
6months later. I was at a youth camp, and you know how camp food dey be….no
be from my mouth you go hear say okro soup no dey draw. I had this friend who said
he would come visit our camp and bring goodies. I was delighted.

In the evening, during break time, he drives in, with a food flask which had hot
steaming plantain porridge, cooked with scent leaves, fresh pepper and lots of
oil…not forgetting the huge chunks of meat!! Mehn!! I was blessed. I sat down
with my friend and we attacked the food. It was delicious trust me!! I started
eating the meat, it tasted off…but I didn’t mind, I was munching away like a
starved princess. I was in food network cloud nine, dunno if there is any other
cloud nine..*side eye*.

Fast forward again to 3 months later, I ran into my good Samaritan friend, who
brought that delicious meal to the camp for me. I couldn’t help but thank him
again and remind him of how he saved us from “hunger games“. He was
like “ohhhhh!! You mean that plantain porridge and dogmeat?? It would have
been better with palm wine”.

My head literally went blank that moment…and my okpolor eyes doubled in
shock!!….as soon as he said dog-meat…every other word coming out of his
mouth sounded like woof!! woof!! Woof!! Emmiiiii!!! I ate dogmeat???!!! My life
was over!! How did I allow long throat cloud my judgment concerning the taste of
that meat?? Chai!! It has be!! The shock was amazing!!

I was looking at him and all I saw in my mind was my hand smacking him across the
face about 600 times. I just wiped his name off friends list…straight to
probation for making me do that to the memory of Tempest!! Since then, I chose
not to ever knowingly eat dog-meat….

arrrrrgghhhhhh!!! *grabs bucket*….

Be right back!!

Moral Lesson

I’m sure you are wondering how it relates to our daily lives abi??? Read on…

  1. Whenever in doubt. ASK QUESTIONS!! A person who asks questions…learns new
    things. You don’t understand a process. You are not sure about a transaction. Ask
    your superiors. Ask colleagues. Gather knowledge. We learn every day. Even when
    customers ask questions I have no idea about. If u see how I will bone
    ehhh..and with so much confidence say “I will get back to you Sir/Ma’am,
    Let me make appropriate findings”.
    And I will!! If I had asked what meat was in my food…I probably would not have eaten it.
  2. Every single one of us is blessed with a
    sixth sense…what we also call “instinct”.  If something doesn’t feel right. Don’t do it. It may be your saving grace tomorrow…it may be an avoidable mistake. If I had
    mentioned that the meat tasted off to my friend. He would have told me it was

*Grabs bucket again*

See you guys next weekend…

Andikan Inyang
As a Chemical Engineering graduate, former Immigration Officer and present day banker.....and most importantly, a foodie, I hide behind my pen.......therein lies my strength. I hope to pursue a career in writing and explore the world of poetry. So help me God.