DOCTOR
YOU HAVE HEPATITIS B!!!
I was at a salon
some weeks back, to braid the famous corn row I saw everywhere (do you know I boldly
argued with one of my friends that it is called corncrow instead of corn row??
Chai!!! Shame “cash” me no be small when I found out I was wrong).
Anyway my
“corn crow” did turn out well..*tongue out*
On arriving there,
the girls were really excited. One of their favourite customers was
around…yeaa..thats moi!! I saw their kids who were babies when I left that
area..so grown…but they recognized me.
I took in my
surrounding, some things had changed. The shop beside the salon had a new sales
girl, though I preferred the last one. Her akwaibom intonation, coupled with
her forever short flair skirts, always left me smiling. There was a new person
selling across the road too, roasted chicken. But basically, things were still
normal.
Mama Eman beating
up her son as usual for eyeing somebody’s drink…and Obiah, forcing her baby
to eat solids. it was all the same.
I noticed this
elderly man in the shop next to us. He wore a coat (i no fit call that thing
suit)..with a shirt tucked in and a tie. He sat on a chair just outside the
shop, had a briefcase beside him, smoking a cigarrette and looking very
important. I didnt care much about him until Obiah left attending to my hair
mid way, saying she wants to run a test.
I asked her, are
you sick?? Is everything all right?? She said she wants the doctor outside to
test her, and prescribe drugs for her.
I asked, is there a
doctor outside I didnt see?? She said yes!! The man in the coat. Ahh!! I said I
must witness this. Who no like better thing??
I carried my chair
outside to watch the drama unfold. He had just finished attending to one
“patient”…at the same time puffing his cigarrette away.
My darling Obiah
went and took a seat. I was all eyes and ears because I couldn’t wait to see
the equipment he would bring out, to diagnose every ailment.
This man brought
out a fancy thermometer!! You know that type we see in the movies that they use
for kids…not the glass one we see regularly. This devil brought it out!!! He
placed it in the inner part of her elbow and told her to hold her arms firmly
in place.
I just kept looking
in shock, hands under my chin, waiting for his diagnosis and how to finish him.
I no dey miss this kind thing.
He checked the
thermometer and told her that her temperature is 40 degree celcius!! My
goodness!!!! He asked her if she experienced abdominal pains once in a while,
to which she said yes, (please which woman doesn’t experience the normal
cramps??! Rme*)
Mr Doctor now told
her that she has an infection!! From where I was sitting, I shouted chai!!! She
asked him, what kind of infection doctor?? He said bacterial infection, that
she had yeast infection. I was stunned!! And he said it with all amount of
seriousness. He told her not to trust the medicine doctors in the hospital
prescribe, and proceeded to bring out one green bottle filled with an unknown
liquid. My head scatter!!
I got up with my
hair half done, told the doctor I needed him to check me up too, that I needed
to be sure about my health status. He put the thermometer on my arm, looking
all concerned!!
After 5minutes
which felt like eternity to me, he looked at it closely and still told me the
same 40 degree celcius he told her. Chai!! I now asked him, so what is wrong
with my body?? He said I have diabetes!!! Emi?!!!! Dia ogini???? I told him, so
just from my “temperature”…you can tell whats wrong with me?? He
said yes!!
I collected the
thermometer., asked him to bring out his arm, then I put it there. I told him
to hold on for  few seconds, that I was
just fascinated by this wonder equipment. He obliged.
After few minutes,
I took it off and looked at it. It was still at 40 degree celcius. With my most
serious face, I told him, Ah Doctor, you have Hepatitis B and cancer of the
lung. He shouted God forbid!! I asked him what the problem was, he said how did
I know he has those kind of diseases, I said, just the same was you know I have
diabetes, so from your assumed temperature, I could see Hepatitis B in your
blood stream…
He was fuming as he
hurriedly packed his belongings and left. If looks could kill, his look would
have murdered me and buried me all at once. But I was there forming warrior…I
said, no o, come and sit here and deceive yourself!!! Namsense and
ingredients!!
Mr Dokita!! Fear
God oo….in fact you need to fear the king of glory!! me have diabetes abi??
Then Doctor you have Hepatitis B!!
End of discussion!!

About the Author
Here is what Andikan Inyang also known as ‘Sparks’ has to say about herself………………….


As
a Chemical Engineering graduate, former Immigration Officer and present
day banker…..and most importantly, a foodie, I hide behind my
pen…….therein lies my strength. I hope to pursue a career in writing
and explore the world of poetry. So help me God.
Oluwole Olusanya
Oluwole Olusanya is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer (CEO) of one of the fastest-growing lifestyle and entertainment website in the country. He is a banker, writer, blogger, public affairs analyst and a tax consultant. He anchors Trending Topics on SHEFFA where he shares his thoughts and opinions on trending issues. He is currently studying for a Master’s Degree in Business Administration at the University of South Wales, Wales, United Kingdom. He has diplomas in Banking and Finance, Investigative Journalism, Creative Writing, and Linguistics from Lagos State Polytechnic, Isolo, Lagos, University of Strathclyde, Glasgow, Scotland and The Open University, Milton Keynes, United Kingdom.