BY JORDAN WHITE
He’s charming, intelligent and good looking. He’s everything you’ve been looking for in a guy, but that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re meant to be together. He might look good on paper, but what is your heart telling you? If you’re constantly questioning your relationship, there’s probably a reason. Here’s how to tell whether he’s “the one,” or just simply one of many who aren’t quite right for you:
You don’t appreciate each other’s quirks
Your quirks are what makes you unique. The person you’re with should love your quirks, not find them annoying. He can’t stand it when you sing along to the radio, and you hate the way he dresses — there’s a problem. Relationships aren’t perfect, and neither are the people in them. You won’t like everything about your partner, but you should like most things. If the person you’re with irritates you every single day, you may want to rethink that relationship. You deserve a relationship where both of you appreciate everything about each other! Don’t be with someone you merely tolerate.
Being together isn’t always fun
His idea of a date night is ordering in and watching Netflix. You don’t mind staying in, but every weekend? Sometimes you want to be spontaneous, and do something new! You want a real date night, where you both get dressed up and go out to dinner. Unfortunately, he’s only interested in sitting around the house. You’re dating someone who’s not willing to compromise or try anything romantic. There’s no activity you can both agree on, so you usually end up doing nothing. Your relationship is boring, and you know it. You need a guy who’s willing to get out of his comfort zone sometimes and make compromises.
Your friends don’t like him
Your friends aren’t always going to like your boyfriend. We’re not saying you should make decisions purely based off what your friends say, but you should definitely listen to what they have to say. Your friends know you well – they’re the one’s you spend the most time with and they were there before he came into the picture. If they don’t like your boyfriend, there’s probably a reason why. You may be blind to his imperfections because you’re too focused on how perfect you think he is. You love and trust your friends, so why wouldn’t you take what they say seriously? If your friends aren’t on board, there’s a chance he isn’t the one for you.
You’re too comfortable
Being content in your relationship might not be a good thing. We’re not saying you shouldn’t be comfortable with your partner, you definitely should! But it’s important you’re aware of your exact feelings. It’s perfectly fine to be content, as long as your content for the right reasons. Are you content because you’re happy, or because you’re afraid to walk away? You may be confusing love for just being comfortable. Love is feeling like you have the best, while comfort is knowing that you don’t, and being okay with that. Don’t let comfort convince you he’s “the one,” when he isn’t.
He doesn’t enhance your life
The person you’re with should make you feel like a better person. If he doesn’t, what’s the point of dating him? Don’t be with someone who constantly brings you down with criticism and unhelpful advice. You deserve someone who helps you grow and makes you feel like you have endless potential. He should be your biggest cheerleader, and the person you trust more than anyone. If he doesn’t enhance your life, you should be with someone who does.
Your personalities are too different
You don’t want to date someone who’s just like you, but you don’t want them to be your polar opposite. There has to be balance. He likes staying indoors, while you like spending as much time outdoors as possible. He wants to live in New York, and you love the West Coast. Differences are fine, if you can find a middle ground. We’re not saying you shouldn’t compromise, that’s what relationships are about. But there are some things you may not be willing to compromise on. It’s important to make sure you’re not changing who you are just to make your partner happy. Don’t forget to stay true to yourself. After all, this is your life!
You can picture yourself with other guys
You’re attracted to other people. You’re not a cheater, but you can picture yourself with other guys. There have been times you’ve wished you weren’t in a relationship, just so you could explore other interests. If you’ve contemplated the idea of breaking up, it’s because there’s a part of you wants the relationship to be over. If he was really “the one,” the idea of not being with him would make you sad. Instead, breaking up sounds like something you’re more than willing to do, and that’s a red flag you need to consider.
A life with him sounds bleak
You can picture a life with him, but that life doesn’t excite you. You already know that being with him would be settling. We’re not saying he’s a bad guy – he’s nice, but that doesn’t mean he’s the guy for you. He doesn’t truly make you happy. He’s basically a friend that you just happen to be in a relationship with. It’s important to be honest with yourself, so you don’t waste any more of your time (or his). Both of you deserve to be with someone you see an exciting future with.
You wonder whether he’s “the one”
Are you questioning whether or not he’s the right guy for you? It’s probably because deep down, you know he’s not! You may be scared to admit it, because of how “perfect” he is. We get it, he completes everything on your checklist. He’s an educated, attractive man with a good head on his shoulders. Those kind of guys are hard to come by, but that’s no reason to stay with him. If he’s not completing you, he never will. You shouldn’t stay with him just because you’re afraid you won’t be able to find someone like him. You will! There’s always something better around the corner. Listen to your gut. Don’t ever be afraid to end a relationship you aren’t happy in.
If you’ve realized he’s not “the one”…
It might sound cheesy, but a soulmate makes your heart skip a beat. Their presence makes your day better. If he’s just another guy, you won’t feel anything that serious. You may be happy to see him, but not as happy as you would be if he was really the right guy for you. Make sure you’re aware of the differences! You don’t want to get wrapped up in a relationship with someone you know you’re not going to be with long-term.