BY STACEY LAURA LLOYD
It’s been shown that being in a relationship can be advantageous to your overall health and well-being, and the research is there to prove it. In fact, studies have demonstrated that people in relationships tend to live longer than those who are single, and single individuals are more likely to experience higher levels of anxiety, depression, and stress when compared to their coupled counterparts.
Further, when looking more closely at the benefits of being in a relationship, it’s important to note that being part of a couple can even help to lower your body’s recognition of pain, as thoughts and images of your significant other can be powerful enough to distract you from whatever’s causing your body discomfort. But while there are definitive emotional and physical benefits to being in a relationship, what do you do if your relationship is causing you nothing but heartache and heartbreak? Cutting the cord is never easy, but it’s important to be able to recognize and take to heart the 11 clear-cut reasons why you should break up with your man.
Ideally, your relationship should be a source of joy, fulfillment, and pleasure in your life. You laugh together, support each other, and have an incredibly strong connection, bond, and closeness that truly enhances both of your lives. However, if your relationship is no longer bringing you any genuine happiness, satisfaction, or enjoyment, this lack of gratification is a highly important sign that you should break up with your man. In fact, if you’re feeling unhappy, hopeless, and full of despair in your relationship, a little bit of soul-searching can help you come to the realization that this man isn’t your soulmate.
Does spending time with this person make you absolutely miserable? Do you look forward to moments, occasions, and events when he isn’t around? Do you not-so-secretly wish you were no longer together in the first place? If you ask yourself the tough questions and look internally at what’s really behind your feelings of unhappiness, despondency, and dejection, you’ll be able to clearly see that this person isn’t right for you. Remember, you deserve to be truly happy, and there’s no reason to settle for anything less than that. And once you accept the fact that you’re worth it, you’ll be empowered to make a clean break from your man and start breaking new ground on a future without him.
You’re always fighting
Conflict plays an important role in a strong, healthy, and committed relationship. After all, you and your partner aren’t always going to agree with one another on every little detail at every possible moment, and having disagreements, disputes, and squabbles from time to time are key elements in building a real connection. In fact, conflict can even be beneficial to your relationship in a number of different ways, as it enables you to learn more about your partner’s tendencies, passions, and priorities. It also helps to improve your communication skills as a couple, and gives you insight into how to identify, interpret, and understand your partner’s verbal and nonverbal cues.
However, there comes a point when too much conflict can ruin a relationship. After all, if you’re fighting all the time and can’t seem to find any common ground, you’re hurting yourself, each other, and your relationship in the process. To that end, when you’re constantly angry, upset, and arguing with another person, you’re putting your body under a great deal of unnecessary stress. And constant distress, anxiety, and tension are laying the groundwork for developing a wide array of health issues, including heart disease, high blood pressure, increases in weight, sleep disturbances, and hindered mental functioning. So if you’re always furious with your man and can’t agree on a single thing, it’s imperative to choose being single over being with him.
You don’t trust your man
Trust is at the very foundation of any happy, healthy, and long-lasting relationship. In fact, being able to fully and completely trust your man is one of the most crucial and significant aspects of a successful relationship, as you both have to be willing to be truly open, honest, and vulnerable with each other. But if your partner violates the trust that you’re building together as a couple, it’s difficult to ever fully repair and restore the connection that you once had. As a result, it’s not surprising that your ability to take your partner at his word becomes more and more challenging after he or she betrays your trust.
For instance, if your man was unfaithful to you, it’ll likely be harder for you to believe from that point forward that he’s being entirely forthright and open with you about the events and activities in his life. After all, if he lied to you in the past, how can you be certain that he’s not going to lie to you again in the future? And once these thoughts of doubt, mistrust, and suspicion creep into your mind and you end up second guessing your partner’s words, actions, and true intentions, your relationship will suffer immeasurably as a result. Everyone has flaws, but if your man isn’t trustworthy, trust in the fact that you deserve to be with someone who is.
You’re not being yourself
Relationships take a great deal of compromise and cooperation, and it’s natural to find yourself making modifications, adaptations, and adjustments in your own life in order build a stronger connection with your partner. And while these compromises can range from small to large, whether it’s attending an earlier spinning class in order to spend more time together or taking up fishing because you know it’s an activity that’s important to him, it’s imperative that you’re not losing yourself in the process of developing your relationship.
In fact, it’s the different aspects of your personalities, passions, and pastimes that create depth in your relationship and make your connection even stronger, deeper, and more meaningful. The diverse backgrounds, beliefs, and opinions that you both bring to the table can help to enrich your relationship, not hinder it. After all, if you’re trying to be a clone of your partner, faking interests in order to seek approval, or hoping to act like the person you think he wants to be with, your relationship will be superficial at best because you’re not being your 100% authentic self.
In addition, if you’re neglecting the friends, family members, and activities that were once significant to you in order to spend every waking moment with your partner, you’re also hurting yourself and your relationship by not being the person you truly are and abandoning what really matters in your life. Remember, if being with your man means that you’re playing a role, the next role you should actually play is that of his ex.
You wish you were still with your ex
Wishing you were still with your past partner is not a good sign. In fact, you may not even realize how much you’re still hung up on an ex until you examine your current actions and behaviors under a more critical lens. For instance, are you continually stalking your ex on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram? Do you think about him constantly, initiate plans to see him and talk to him, find ways to bring up his name in everyday conversations, and/or refuse to get rid of any of the gifts, mementos, or other keepsakes from when you were together? If you’re still longing for your ex, it’s unlikely that your present relationship will have any sort of future as you’re still firmly invested in the past.
So instead of using this current relationship as a distraction and diversion from your strong feelings for your ex, you should end things with your man and focus completely on yourself. And that means finding opportunities to enhance and improve your own life when you’re not in a relationship, whether it’s starting a new hobby, taking a trip to a spa, spending time with your friends and family, or simply redecorating your bedroom. When you decide to take action and shift your energy, thoughts, and behaviors toward activities that add value to your life, you’re taking real steps toward making yourself ready, open, and available to have a successful relationship in the future with someone new.
You’re in an abusive relationship
Relationship abuse at the hands of your partner can be both physical and mental, and if your man is causing you harm and distress in any way, it’s time to end this relationship immediately. In fact, the sad truth is that relationship statistics reveal that one out of three women in the United States has experienced physical abuse, and one in five women has experienced physical abuse that was extremely brutal and violent in nature.
But recognizing the signs of abuse isn’t always easy, especially when that abuse falls under the emotional category, so it’s important to be able to identify the defining characteristics of an abusive partner. For instance, is your man constantly trying to control you? Does he tell you who can see, what you should wear, and who you can and can’t talk to? Has he threatened you, humiliated you, harassed you, and/or hurt you? Abusers often use physical and emotional intimidation to maintain their power over their partners, and if you’re experiencing abuse of any nature at the hands of your man, it’s time to put yourself back in the driver’s seat and leave this dirtbag in the dust.
Even if this sounds daunting and disconcerting, rest assured that you don’t have to face this kind of breakup situation alone. To that end, there are many different resources, including hotlines, centers, and homes, that can help guide you, support you, and protect you when you’re looking to end this type of dangerous and destructive relationship. Remember, even if your partner profusely apologizes to you for his bad behavior and promises to never engage in this behavior going forward, be warned that this kind of abuse is likely to happen again in the future, and in many cases at a more escalated level. There’s no excuse for abuse.
You’re not on the same page about the future
When it comes to laying the foundation for a successful, meaningful, and long-lasting relationship, it’s important that you and your partner have similar goals for the future. For example, if you’re someone who definitively wants to have children, but your man has absolutely no desire to do so, this major discrepancy can sink your relationship. Or, if you’re someone who can’t wait to get married, but your man isn’t looking for a serious relationship or marital commitment, you’re destined for a relationship breakdown and inevitable breakup. After all, even though relationships take compromise, it’s important to have the courage of your convictions and refrain from compromising when it comes to getting what you truly want out of life.
So if you’re finding that you have to keep settling, changing, and altering your deepest hopes and dreams for your future in order to appease your man, you’re with the wrong one. And while bringing up these kinds of issues may seem intimidating, scary, and unsettling, they’re entirely necessary for you to have the relationship that you want and deserve. In fact, most women have a list of non-negotiables, which are qualities, beliefs, and characteristics that a partner must posses in order to be in a relationship with you, and these traits and attributes are absolute must-haves. With this in mind, it’s not surprising that one of the most common relationship non-negotiables are based on shared plans, values, and hopes about the future, especially in terms of a person’s desire to have children. Remember, if you and your partner don’t want the same things in the long-term, it’s important for you to end your relationship in the short-term.
You’re feeling stuck
If you’re feeling trapped in your current relationship, it’s imperative for you to take this opportunity to break up and break free. Unfortunately, there are various reasons why women end up staying in these kinds of mediocre relationships, including financial motivations, not wanting to be alone, worrying about what others may think, and simply being scared of an unknown future without their partner.
Another common reason why women end up remaining in unfulfilling relationships is that they’re falling for what’s known as the sunk cost fallacy. From the economic standpoint, this is when you continue to invest in something because you’ve already put so much into it in the past, even when you know it’s not the right decision. In a word, it occurs when you let whatever you’ve expended in the past influence your rational decision-making for the future. This concept can apply directly to relationships. In fact, many women remain stuck and trapped in their relationships because they think they’ve already put in too much time, energy, and effort, and they feel as though it’s too late to turn back.
But you don’t have to fall victim to this kind of irrational thinking. In fact, once you recognize that you’re falling for this fallacy, you can break this chain of poor decision-making and make the most important one of all, and that’s to break up with your man. And while it may seem hard, scary, or intimidating to move on from this stagnant relationship and start over again, it’s actually harder to continue in a relationship that’s letting you down and taking you down.
You’re not valued
Have you ever felt underappreciated, overlooked, and/or dispensable in your relationship? Sometimes women can find themselves in relationships that are completely one-sided, and these women end up devoting more of their attention, energy, and care into their relationship than their man does. However, for a relationship to work out in the long-term, both parties have to be equally interested, committed, and invested in each other and in the success of the relationship in general. To that end, a relationship is only as strong as its least-involved member, so if you’re doing all of the giving and he’s doing all of the taking, it’s really time for you to take off.
In fact, if you’re in a one-sided relationship, you’re likely to find that your partner doesn’t make you a priority, doesn’t keep his word, doesn’t appreciate the favors you do for him, and doesn’t take your feelings into consideration. You may be bending over backwards to appease your man, showering him with attention, and showing him nothing but support, devotion, and kindness, but if he isn’t reciprocating these types of behaviors right back to you, it’s you who should be backing off from this relationship. Remember, you add a lot of value to other people’s lives, and if your partner isn’t appreciating the way in which you enrich his life, he doesn’t need to be in yours.
You’re not intimate with one another
When it comes to being intimate with your man, it’s important to recognize that there are many different types of intimacy, and all must be present in order for your relationship to succeed. In fact, being physically, emotionally, and mentally intimate with your partner are all integral components of a happy, rewarding, and long-lasting relationship, and when any of these forms of intimacy are missing, it’s no mystery that you should break up. For instance, when you and your partner are able to connect with one another on a physical level, you’re not only improving your own mental and physical health, but you’re simultaneously improving the health of your relationship by increasing the closeness, chemistry, and trust between the two of you.
In terms of emotional intimacy, when you’re able to be truly open, honest, and forthright with your man about your personal desires, background, fears, and beliefs, you’re creating a deeper, more meaningful, and enduring connection. Further, when it comes to being mentally intimate with your man, it’s your ability to challenge each other intellectually, engage in new activities together, and grow and expand your mind that can help your relationship grow as a result. But if your man refuses to get to know you in all three of these different capacities, your relationship can never fully develop and thrive because it’ll simply stay on a superficial level. And since you deserve a relationship that fulfills you physically, emotionally, and mentally, it’s important that you make intimacy a priority with someone new.
Your intuition is telling you to break up
Even if you can’t put your finger on it, you may simply have a deep instinctive feeling that you should break up with your man. Whether it’s a strong sense in your gut or an internal inkling that’s telling you this person isn’t right for you, it’s actually in your best interest to listen to what this interior voice is saying. In fact, when it comes to your intuition, it’s important to trust in your body’s natural ability to give you clues, insight, and information about how to proceed in certain situations. Your instinct is there to protect you, guide you, and help you to make rational decisions regarding your best interest and well-being. So even if you can’t explain it, if you have a nagging feeling that you should break up with your man, it’s important to listen to your intuition and end your relationship today.