THURDAYS WITH COLLYBRIGHT

THERE ARE PEDOPHILES IN OUR SOCIETY!

What Is  Pedophilia?

It is a psychiatric disorder in which an adult or older: adolescent experiences a primary or exclusive sexual attraction to prepubescent children who are usually age 15 and below.

Now, who is a pedophile?

It is a person who has a sustained sexual orientation towards children. There’s a slight difference between pedophiles and child molesters. “Child molesters are defined by their acts; pedophiles are defined by their desires,” This means that a pedophile may not be physical with his desires, just with the case of former Manchester City and England player, Adam Johnson was given a six-year jail term for inappropriate behavior with a 15-year-old minor. He did not have any physical contact with the girl but was regularly chatting with her on WhatsApp before he was busted. The closest he came with the girl, was a meeting at a park where he said he would be happy to give the girl a peck. So, the police produced all their WhatsApp chats as a shred of evidence and Adam Johnson was convicted for SEXUAL GROOMING.

What is child molestation?

Child Molestation is also known as child sexual abuse. It is a secret crime involving a range of indecent sexual activities between an adult and a child.  According to the National Violence Against Children Survey, it established that: 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 10 boys experience sexual violence before the age of 18 in one way or the other.

Types of molestation:

-Defilement

-Rape

-Fingering

-Making a child watch pornography

-Exposing the genital to kids

-Indecent touching

-Fondling

-Kissing

-Caressing, etc.

Who could abuse your child?

Answer: ANYBODY! Studies show that over 95% of sexually abused children are abused by persons known or close to the child or the child’s family.

ABUSERS ARE NOT ALWAYS STRANGERS ONLY. They are right there in your house, co-tenants, family members, lesson teachers, neighbors. Their friends in school, hostel, classmates, class/school teachers, cousins, uncles, nephews, nieces, fathers, stepfathers, grandfathers, imams, choir-masters, pastors, confidants, security guard, maids, family /school drivers, After-school teachers, teachers, mummy’s friend, daddy’s friend, caregivers, cleaners, housemaids, strangers…….. the list can go on.

Causes of child sexual abuse

There are numerous causes of child sexual abuse. But here are key ones; Parental negligence, carelessness, nonchalant attitude, lack of trust and faith in your child. Other causes include;

  • Absentee parents
  • Parents who do not observe
  • When the kids are not informed (sex education)
  • What you watch with your kids.
  • Indecent dressing by children and also by your parents!

Where can your child be sexually abused?

They can be abused ANYWHERE! Don’t say that you are always in the house and you monitor them, the likelihood is limited. Please, be vigilant and observant. Molesters are always looking for the slightest opportunity and the truth? Less 5mins is enough to cause that lifelong damage to your child.

How do paedophiles get the victims?

1.Grooming

2.Baits: Emotional, financial, gift, familiarity, and respect.

3. Child grooming

Befriending and establishing an emotional connection with a child, and sometimes the family, to lower the child’s inhibitions with the objective of sexual abuse.

How to identify a possible abuser:

1. Always trying to be around your child or vice versa.

2. Child feels uncomfortable when he/she sights the abuser or when the abuser is around.

3. Easily and conveniently accept to care for your child while you are away.

4. Can be hard on the child especially if the child is rejecting his moves.

If any of the above is observed, please be very viligant. Or sometimes, your child might feel uncomfortable/rejecting to go to the person when you send him or her Or even go for holiday. Please DO NOT FORCE THEM.

Sexual abuse sometimes happens among siblings, set rules, separate their rooms, separate their beds. There was a case of twins having sex with each other. When they were asked, they said: we see mum and dad do the same.

What a molesters says to a child willing to speak out:

•I will kill you

•You will die

•Your mummy will hate you

•Your mummy will beat you

•Your mummy will blame you.

•Your mummy and your daddy will die.

•He could cut the child, lick the blood and say: this is a blood covenant between us, the day you tell is the day you die.

Teach your child The SRR action.

S – Shout

R – Run

R – Report

Possible signs that your child has been abused: Isolation, aggressiveness, constant anxiety/fear, difficulty in walking, a sudden drop in academic performance, poor social interaction, slightest provocation, and so on.

You must teach your child the proper way of dressing and privacy. They must knock and seek permission before they enter your room.

It is wrong to bathe them together irrespective of sex.

PLEASE NOTE!

Children NEVER lie about abuse. If your child tells you someone is trying to mess with him or her. Please believe the child and respond appropriately and maturely.

Effect of child sexual abuse

-The abused child could become a serial abuser

-Depression

-Suicidal thoughts

-Stigma

-Guilt

-Lifelong psychological trauma

-Aggression

-Withdrawal

-Infected with STDs and STIs

Do not be a hard mum or strict dad. Strike a balance between love and discipline.

Give your children Sex Education.

Tell them what nobody must do with their body.

Tell them to SPEAK OUT.

In the house, everyone must respect each other’s privacy.

Don’t say, she’s my daughter, don’t say he is my son. It’s not about you, it is about THEM!

Child molestation is real, it is more painful if it happens under your very nose.

Please bond more with our kids, even if you can’t afford to give them all the material things, you can give them that priceless gift of love, care, and attention.

If your child tells you: mummy /Daddy I want to discuss something with you, even if you have a million-dollar project presentation/contract you are closing in that very moment, don’t ever make that mistake of replying to them; don’t worry when I’m back we will talk. Put your bag down, sit them down, and give them that attention at that very moment, it could save more than nine!

Don’t create fear in your child, don’t be the kind of parent that your child will be scared to talk to, don’t always shut them up when they try to chit-chat with you (even if it’s generic), even if the chat seems too ambiguous or too explicit for them because of their age, look for a very simple and inexplicable way to explain to them. Once in a while, hold their hands and say to their face, YOU KNOW DADDY/MUMMY LOVES YOU, (wait to hear the confirmation from them) AND YOU CAN TELL AND SHARE ANYTHING WITH DADDY/MUMMY”

Don’t wait till you’re noticing something before you let them know this. Whether we like it or not, parents would always be at the receiving end of such a lifelong damaging situation. So, let’s tread with caution.

NB: Pedophiles are not only males they are but both male and female. So, while protecting your girl-child, don’t neglect your boy-child.

May God continue to protect our children.

Collybright
Adeshile Adekolajo is a graduate of Psychology from the University of Abuja, He works for Ntel Nigeria and he owns - Mccollybright.blogspot.com. He is a writer, blogger and poet, to read more of his interesting and educative articles, please log on to - mccollybright.blogspot.com.