BY BRITTANY BROLLEY
Do you act one way in public and another in private? Whether you think your answer is yes or no, here’s the truth: we all behave differently in private than we do behind closed doors. In a study published by scientists at Newcastle University School of Psychology, researchers found that even hanging up posters with images of eyes was enough to alter people’s behavior. The scientists discovered that students were twice as likely to clean up after themselves when posters of eyes were hung in the cafeteria. Thus, merely the illusion of being watched is enough to convince folks to behave in a different way.
From manipulative flirting to consuming snacks in private, women have their fair share of secrets that they’d never dream of telling. But, what about men? Do they have a list of things they’d rather you didn’t know? Of course they do. Here are some of the downright dirtiest things men secretly do but would never admit.
Never wash their faces
There are times when you’re just too lazy to wash you’re face — we get it. Still, it would be hard to imagine never, ever washing your face, wouldn’t it? Although men wouldn’t want to come clean about this fact, there are way too many dudes skipping facial cleansing altogether. “Dove did a survey and 46 percent of men in America don’t wash their face,” Dove Men+Care face expert, Karen Lynn Accattato, told Maxim. Accattato continued to say what we’re all thinking: “That’s astonishing; what do you mean you don’t wash your face? How do you go through life?”
While nearly one in every two men have, for some reason, come to the conclusion that they don’t need to wash their face, that couldn’t be further from the truth. Without a regular wash, dirt and bacteria will collect on the face and ingrown hairs could become a serious problem. The expert recommended buying a facial cleanser, but even just using soap and water will be a step in the right direction. And bearded men, wash your facial hair too!
Touch their junk every spare minute
If you’ve ever caught a guy shoving his hand down his pants or trying — and failing — to be incognito when touching his nether regions, you have to wonder just what their fascination is with touching themselves. It’s actually more innocent than it sounds — most of the time. A man by the name of Scott Muska took one for the team and broke it down for Women’s Health.
“Our junk gets itchy just like any other part of your body — and when it itches, it’s every bit as excruciating,” Muska explained. Another reason? The rogue penis. “I started wearing boxer-briefs around puberty to keep my junk in place, but that was only like plugging a hole in a dam with a handkerchief in that it only fleetingly solves the problem,” said Muska. According to him, readjustment is often needed.
Other reasons include trying to get some relief from sweating, hiding an erection, and just touching out of habit. “Our junk is very important to us. Sometimes it’s nice to just give it a grasp so we know it’s still present and in good standing,” Muska added. Alright then. The more you know.
Neglect their feet
If men spent half as much time on their toes than they did on their crotches, they wouldn’t have to worry about women recoiling in horror when getting a glimpse of their beach-going feet. Before you come to the conclusion that men’s feet are just different or inherently gross, Krista Archer, a podiatric surgeon, dispelled the myth to Dollar Shave Club, saying that men just don’t pay enough attention to their feet.
While both men and women are susceptible to foot fungus, men are not as likely to address problems like athlete’s foot. “Men tend to pick these up from the gym because they don’t wear flip flops in the shower, or they wear the same pair of sweaty gym shoes every single day,” Archer explained.
Men are also less likely to use pumice stones, leaving dead skin to essentially take over. All hope is not lost, though. Archer recommends that men “take a look at [their] feet every single day, and do something — whether that be exfoliating, moisturizing or applying anti-fungal cream if necessary — to keep them looking their best.” Hear, hear.
Let their tears flow
While it’s a gendered assumption that men don’t cry, Professor Ad Vingerhoets of Holland did discover, however, that women cry nearly twice as much as the opposite sex. Psychologist Georgia Ray explained why to a leading Australian news site, news.com.au, saying, “Men have significantly lower levels of prolactin (a hormone found in emotional tears) compared with women.” Additionally, “societal stereotypes and expectations discourage men from displaying emotional tears.” Not only are men biologically predisposed to cry less, but they may also be met with harsh reactions when they do.
As reported by Psychology Today, a study of undergraduate men in the United States found only 23 percent reported crying when feeling helpless compared to 58 percent of women. This goes to show that crying in public is still considered taboo in the eyes of men. “Crying is fine, but crying in public is bad times,” one man told Jezebel, “Sometimes it’s appropriate to cry in public, as a guy, but funerals and excruciating sports losses are the only two that come to mind.”
So, if a man tells you he “never” cries, he probably means he never cries… in public.
Cyber-stalk their current (and former) love interests
Women aren’t the only ones to keep tabs on their partners – men are apparently quite the cyber-stalking aficionados. According to research reported by Shape, single men are even more likely than single women to check out their love interests’ online activity. “Men do not like to come across as too inquisitive or overprotective, so often they resort to acquiring their information elsewhere,” Emily Morse, a dating expert and host of the Sex with Emily radio show, told the publication.
“Whether you’re male or female, it’s pretty common to be intrigued with what your ex is up to, even if there are no romantic feelings attached to the behavior,” Morse explained. Of course, this kind of “light” online stalking isn’t alarming and is essentially normal, but stalking behavior can become dangerous. You should look out for signs of serious stalking, like overly specific questions about your online whereabouts, unannounced visits, and angry or aggressive behaviors.
Turn to Google for sex advice
While dozens of studies have proven that men are much more likely than women to view pornography — especially on a daily or weekly basis — that’s not to say all men’s private internet usage is steeped in the sexcapades of adult film stars. “Men dedicate a good chunk of their time brushing up on how to please you,” Emily Morse told Shape.
That’s not to say women are less likely do the same, it’s just that men and women go about obtaining this advice differently. While women may be more likely to ask their gal pals or even their gynecologist for some tips to help them between the sheets, men don’t have quite the same resources. And, even with a large network of friends to choose from, men are unlikely to divulge the nitty gritty about their sex lives or ask their bros for their advice and opinions. Instead, Morse says men turn to Google to find the answers to their most intimate questions.
Groom their eyebrows
Good eyebrows are a must for many women, but, believe it or not, a lot of men are on the same quest. Natalie Plain, cofounder and chief executive officer of Billion Dollar Brows, explained to Women’s Wear Daily: “Obviously, brows are a female-dominated industry, but we have men working with us and they struggle with the same problems that we do with unruly brows and brow shapes.” According to Plain, men aren’t exactly on the hunt for perfectly manicured brows, but are looking for a way to groom overly bushy brows or an unmanageable unibrow.
“The demand came from our distributors, retailers and customers themselves. They… came to us saying, ‘I want a men’s kit,” Plain told WWD. And so, Billion Dollar Brows came to be, with tools designed specifically for male hands and male eyebrows. The company even has discussed adding tinted brow gel, after hearing from customers like one man who admitted, “I suffer from thin brows. I fill in my brows, and it makes me feel like more of a man.”
Sit down to pee from time to time
Seeing yellow driblets across the toilet may be enough to make you wish your partner would just sit down to pee. In actuality, though, he probably already does — at least sometimes. After a night of drinking or a poor night’s sleep, your man might be too out of it to stand. A man may also sit if he’s not in a hurry.
Jesse N. Mills, associate clinical professor at the University of California, Los Angeles Department of Urology, told Thrillist, “If you want to sit down and think about life, it’s a break in your day.” Mills said older men with prostate conditions or who are unable to stand for long periods of time may also prefer to take a seat. Men may also sit if they’re less than confident about what’s going to happen. Mills added, “If you’re… not sure if it’s a number 1 or a number 2 — you’ve got your bases covered by sitting.”
Answer this question with a white lie
“Does this dress make me look fat?” is probably a question we’ve all asked to our significant others at least once, putting them in the precarious position of answering honestly and upsetting us, or lying and, well, upsetting us. If your man replies with an enthusiastic, “Of course not!” does that mean he’s telling the truth? Well, he could be. Or, he could just be trying to avoid hurting your feelings.
The book aptly titled Does This Dress Make Me Look Fat?: A Man’s Guide to the Loaded Questions Women Ask dissects a variety of inquiries women pose to men. “No matter how he answers it, he will immediately find himself trapped,” the book says of the aforementioned question. Nevertheless, A Man’s Guide analyzes the question and translates it to “Am I lovely?” When viewed in this context, there’s really no need to lie. Instead, the advice is to tell the truth, “confront her shame” without a simple yes or no, and confirm her loveliness. Now that’s something we can all get on board with.