My mind is a warzone
where I endlessly fight voices
and struggle to find my identity
Who am I?
Am I just a wandering breath
waiting for the sweet kiss of death
to find a home?

I hear the voices in my head
“You’ll never measure up”
“You’re not enough”
They roar and scream me down.
Their strength lies in my weakness.

My body feels like a car.
I’m only a passenger in it
while these voices take the driver’s seat.
“What use is it to live?”
“You don’t have a choice”
I swallow hard every morsel of lie they tell me.
Tearfully, I enjoy it!.

In gory tales and reminders,
They paint piercing memories
“You façade pain in a charming smile”
Like taunting demons, they torment my soul.

I comb through my mind
Searching and searching
for an escape.
I hear them again
This time louder like rushing waters
“Death is the only solace.”

-Rukenny’s Secrets.

Esther Kalu
Esther Kalu Ndidi also known as Rukenny is budding poet, short story writer, content writer, freelance writer and journalist who explores her love for writing with the scribbles from her heart, with the aim of impacting positive change. She is a student of Mass Communication in Yaba College of Technology, Lagos. Esther blogs at Rukenny's Secrets.